The Gross Family

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Coming Down from the Mountain Top

Going to Haiti was truly a mountain top experience. I could feel the closeness of God and know that the Holy Spirit was upon me. When we are close to God the Spirit seems so loud and clear. At one point during the trip I felt the Spirit in a way that seemed I could reach out and touch it.

The thing with being on a mountain top is that eventually you have to come down. The mission ended and life resumed as usual. While I spent a life changing week in another land, life at home continued as usual. My family and friends hadn't gone through the radical change that I just had. It is an adjustment to say the least.

At first it was the little things. Walking through the airport and feeling sickened by the shops and restaurant all waiting for us to spend our money on. The gluttony of our society seemed so self indulgent after being in a place that people longed for full bellies and clean water. Walking into the restroom at the airport where the toilet flushes for you, water comes on automatically, soap drops into my waiting hands and blowers instantly dry them. Part of everyday life suddenly was seen in a different light.

At home, I struggled with my kids eating the dinner I made for them. Arguing that they should be grateful to have eaten so many times that day. I struggled with the piles of endless laundry as I think about the three shirts and two shorts the kids had to play in. A school uniform, church outfit, one pair of sandals, dress shoes and tennis shoes. Many of their items had seen what should have been their last day, yet with no other choice worn repeatedly again. Again, I'm reminded of how much we have as I dug through our shoe box to find a matching set for my little guy. Everyday things like running the water while I washed dishes or standing in long, hot showers made me feel guilty. The endless choices at the grocery store suddenly annoyed me.

Quickly, I realized that I needed to internalize my trip without subjecting my family to the frustrations I was feeling. Its not their fault that they have so much. Truth be told the guilt lies on me. I see toys, materials, and clothing in such a different light now, but they haven't gone through the radical change that I have. I now understand what it means to NEED something verses a WANT. How much do I really "need?" Much of what I have bought and justified is not a need. I pray that this is a lesson that doesn't depart from me, but sadly I find myself swept up in the materialism of our society. Christmas shopping is upon us. I can honestly say that I don't want anything- I'd rather take all the money and send it away. But that won't work for my kids. Now I am trying to balance between providing for them but not over indulging. Setting an expectation now that will be there for the rest of their life.

Coming down off the mountain made me start to analyze things at home. Satan seized on my insecurities of acknowledgement. Complaining to myself that no one recognizes what I do at home. This week a verse in our Bible Study was Philippians 2:3-4. We've been reading Philippians 2:1-11 every week since we started, but this verse hadn't stood out to me until God convicted me about my complaining.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.

Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,

not looking to your own interests but each

of you to the interests of the others.

I served selflessly in a foreign country while on a mission for God, but stumbled through the mission He has given me at home. I felt like I had done something amazing - planting a beautiful garden. Whereas, at home I felt like I was pulling weeds. At home I was looking at my own interests and what I was getting out of it.

Going on a mission trip was a blessing. An unbelievable experience used to mold me into the person God wants me to be. I know that I shouldn't feel like I'm pulling weeds at home because I am exactly where God wants me. Motherhood is my mission field. While the climb back down the mountain might be rocky and not nearly as glorious as the views from above, there are things to be learned on the way down. Beauty that can only be seen from the path I am on. Through the the mountain top experiences we can feel encouraged by God so that when we are on the path of every day life we can remember that He is near. I'm hoping to avoid any valleys on my way down, but realize wherever my path leads I can trust that the Lord is with me.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Favorite Moments

   After a couple of weeks, I have finally started to wrap my mind around the experience of my trip. The question I seem to get the most is about my favorite moment. I can honestly say that is very difficult to answer. There are so many that stand out. Moments that are permanently a part of me.
     One of my all time favorite moments was on the Sunday that we attended worship. In the afternoon we had youth group service followed by the evening worship. In between, we went outside and visited with the kids. It was our first opportunity to interact with the with them. They loved to have their pictures taken then look at themselves in the camera.Thank goodness for digital cameras. It was fun to see their reactions and play with them.
   During this time I had a teen boy named Kelley come to me with a song book. It was this amazing binder filled with popular Christian songs in English. He opened the book and slowly started singing Shout to the Lord. As he sang, he pointed to the words and then to me. He wanted me to sing with him! I am grateful that working with kids has made me fearless in this department. I know that I am not going to win a Vocalist of the Year award, but I feel carefree singing with kids.
    We sat there singing, "Shout to the Lord all the Earth let us sing. Power and majesty praise to the King. Mountains bow and the seas will roar at the sound of your name. I sing for joy at the work of your hands. Forever I'll love you. Forever I'll stand. Nothing compares to the promise I have in you." My heart grew three sizes in that moment. We were praising God with the same heart and song. Literally living out the lyrics "all the Earth let us sing." Other kids gathered around us listening and before long they joined in along with other members of our team. I pulled out my iPhone and played the song and we sang along again. Having the music just encouraged our impromptu concert. The next was Might to Save, which I loved prior to the trip, but now it has new meaning. I think we sat there singing a half dozen songs. I don't remember any of the other songs or who else was there, I just remember this sweet boy singing his love for God. My heart was so full. It was an amazing moment.
    Another favorite moment was with music too. The Lord has given me a heart for worship and I truly love praise music. Its constantly on in my kitchen or car. This time the school aged kids sang to us I have Decided to Follow Jesus. They sang to us several times during the week and each time was just as precious. The angelic voices singing this beautiful hymnal caused me to take notice of the words. "I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back, no turning back. The world behind me the cross before me. No turning back, no turning back." I've sang this song growing up, but never with the love and conviction that I was hearing from the children. Mathew 19:14- Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” This moment is what he was talking about. Once again I was experiencing a biblical moment.
Another moment I loved was riding in the back of Larry's truck, constantly relying on my team to keep me securely inside the truck. We relied on each so much that week in many different ways. Such a simple thing as holding on to someone's arm for security has stuck with me. I also appreciated the time we spent together in the evening doing devotion and reflection. One night we went to the roof to pray over the country of Haiti. This was such a special time of bonding for us.
   In the middle of the week we headed out to the land that Waves of Mercy is looking to purchase. In order to have a survey done the following week, we were going to help clear the land of "weeds". Now I love to work out in the yard and was looking forward to a little manual labor. It felt good to do something that I could physically see change. When we started working, I quickly learned that this was no ordinary "weed". Rather a pure evil bush with gigantic thorns from base to tip. This was not a "weed!" We quickly set to work chopping down this tree-like thorn bush. One of the kids called it Peacock, but I'm not really sure the name.
   We spent several hours working to clear the land. The teen boys and some of the little kids pitched in to help. Only the Americans could use the pruning shears so we took turns trading off and on. I was so proud of how hard we work and our team work. Knowing that the people will someday have a new church to worship in made the cuts we had all worth it. Larry told us that through our suffering we are able to relate more with Christ. Isaiah 55:13 says, "Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.This will be for the Lord’s renown, for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever.” This is my prayer for the land.
   The final "favorite" moment I have the energy to write about tonight is the morning we left. I'm sure all of my teammates would agree on the bitter sweetness of the morning. We arrived at the airport at 5 am to check in and wait for our flight. It had rained a lot the night before and the roads were still dark and muddy. In American when you picture a dark road, there is typically light coming from somewhere. This was pitch black. As we were sitting there, several of the kids walked through the muddy roads in the dark to say goodbye to us. Slowly more and more trickled in. These sweet kids walked by themselves to be with us. We spent the time sitting solemnly together knowing that a goodbye was eminent. My sweet boy Santoni sat holding my hand or hugging me. We weren't supposed to give the kids anything, but my heart was aching and somehow couldn't help myself. My "stuff" suddenly didn't seem important. As the sun slowly started to rise the airport started to pick up the pace signaling our future departure. Santoni clung to me with his head tucked into my side. I could feel his body shaking while he tried to hold back sobs. I stood there crying with him wanting to just take him with me. I told him over and over again that I loved him and kissed his head repeatedly. I had become his Momma this week and now I had to leave my child. I pictured my own boys and them not having someone to love them. I was heartbroken to say goodbye to this sweet boy that desperately wants someone to hug him and love him.
   As we walked to the plane the kids had to stay at the opening wall to the runway. I could hardly turn around and look. This was the first moment for me to see that I was not the only one crying. We all had been touched so deeply that it was only natural. Barely a word was spoken amongst us as we boarded the plane. Our hearts were so heavy and the tears too fresh for words. Its hard to say this was my "favorite" moment, but it was unforgettable and forever engrained in my mind.
    In the words of Forrest Gump, "that's all I have to say about that."

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

When God Changes Our Plans

      While planning for our mission trip, each person from our team was ask to share a devotion one evening while in Haiti. We would gather after dinner to have a devotion time, reflect on the day and pray. It was a wonderful time to learn what the other people on my team were learning and how God was touching them.
Before leaving, I spent some time working on a devotion on servant hood. This sounded like the perfect lesson since we were going to be servants. I added quotes from "Experiencing God" and was all set for the time of my devotion. Since I'm a planner it was important to be to be prepared. God, however, had different plans for the words that I would share. While sitting in the early morning hours at the Miami Airport, I was able to pull up devotions I have on my phone. The one I pulled up was intended for me to read. Proverbs, 15:13- A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit."
     It was the first time the seed of smiling was sown. When God changes our plans we need to be willing to go with them. (There's that flexibility component again!) I had learned that in my summer study, and now had the opportunity to put it in practice.
     Looking back at the week and all of the lessons I learned, I see the beauty of the Lord's hand at work. I had no idea in the airport that smiling at people would be a lesson learned throughout the week.

Joyce Meyer- SMILE!

Everyone knows how to smile. It's one of the greatest gifts God has given us. A smile makes people feel good, and people look so beautiful when they smile. When the joy in your life is obvious, it rubs off on others. But when you keep God's joy locked inside you and don't allow it to show on your face, you're depriving those around you of a pleasant and refreshing experience.

Most people really don't understand how expressing joy will change their circumstances and, perhaps, the lives of others. Living your life with the joy of the Lord will chase off negative, depressing circumstances. And when we have His joy deep down inside of us, we can't help but put it on display by smiling!

I never would have thought that smiling was such a serious matter, but God has shown me how revoluntionary a simple smile can be. Expressing joy thought the calm delight of smiling brings good things into your own life and shares the joy and light of the Lord with others, so smile!