The thing with being on a mountain top is that eventually you have to come down. The mission ended and life resumed as usual. While I spent a life changing week in another land, life at home continued as usual. My family and friends hadn't gone through the radical change that I just had. It is an adjustment to say the least.
At first it was the little things. Walking through the airport and feeling sickened by the shops and restaurant all waiting for us to spend our money on. The gluttony of our society seemed so self indulgent after being in a place that people longed for full bellies and clean water. Walking into the restroom at the airport where the toilet flushes for you, water comes on automatically, soap drops into my waiting hands and blowers instantly dry them. Part of everyday life suddenly was seen in a different light.
At home, I struggled with my kids eating the dinner I made for them. Arguing that they should be grateful to have eaten so many times that day. I struggled with the piles of endless laundry as I think about the three shirts and two shorts the kids had to play in. A school uniform, church outfit, one pair of sandals, dress shoes and tennis shoes. Many of their items had seen what should have been their last day, yet with no other choice worn repeatedly again. Again, I'm reminded of how much we have as I dug through our shoe box to find a matching set for my little guy. Everyday things like running the water while I washed dishes or standing in long, hot showers made me feel guilty. The endless choices at the grocery store suddenly annoyed me.
Quickly, I realized that I needed to internalize my trip without subjecting my family to the frustrations I was feeling. Its not their fault that they have so much. Truth be told the guilt lies on me. I see toys, materials, and clothing in such a different light now, but they haven't gone through the radical change that I have. I now understand what it means to NEED something verses a WANT. How much do I really "need?" Much of what I have bought and justified is not a need. I pray that this is a lesson that doesn't depart from me, but sadly I find myself swept up in the materialism of our society. Christmas shopping is upon us. I can honestly say that I don't want anything- I'd rather take all the money and send it away. But that won't work for my kids. Now I am trying to balance between providing for them but not over indulging. Setting an expectation now that will be there for the rest of their life.
Coming down off the mountain made me start to analyze things at home. Satan seized on my insecurities of acknowledgement. Complaining to myself that no one recognizes what I do at home. This week a verse in our Bible Study was Philippians 2:3-4. We've been reading Philippians 2:1-11 every week since we started, but this verse hadn't stood out to me until God convicted me about my complaining.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,
not looking to your own interests but each
of you to the interests of the others.
I served selflessly in a foreign country while on a mission for God, but stumbled through the mission He has given me at home. I felt like I had done something amazing - planting a beautiful garden. Whereas, at home I felt like I was pulling weeds. At home I was looking at my own interests and what I was getting out of it.
Going on a mission trip was a blessing. An unbelievable experience used to mold me into the person God wants me to be. I know that I shouldn't feel like I'm pulling weeds at home because I am exactly where God wants me. Motherhood is my mission field. While the climb back down the mountain might be rocky and not nearly as glorious as the views from above, there are things to be learned on the way down. Beauty that can only be seen from the path I am on. Through the the mountain top experiences we can feel encouraged by God so that when we are on the path of every day life we can remember that He is near. I'm hoping to avoid any valleys on my way down, but realize wherever my path leads I can trust that the Lord is with me.
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